latenightsight.com

Change

Dew — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 05:19:22 +0000

Pretending to be able to write or draw or take pictures is pretty cool. It’s even cooler when you decide to stop pretending to be able to do any of it. I have at least five drafts in wordpress of things I began writing and just decided in the middle they aren’t going anywhere. I’m kind of thinking this is one is going to go the same way. I know everyone says this but life is just flying by me. I can’t even remember what I did last weekend much less yesterday. It’s kind of like that jay brannan song where he says the year’s fly by but the moments are creeping. How terribly true! But holy shit, looking at myself last year vs now or even two years ago is like a total 360. I feel like I’m in the crucial years where every second is a growing experience. I really like it.

I’m leaving my first semester of college with a 3.0 gpa, so I’m content. I’m taking a bit more challenging classes next semester though so hopefully I can make it work. I also have a real job now so time managment is going to be tricky and I already struggle with that shit as it is.

I forget where this was going but I’m posting it anyways just because I feel like mixing things up.

In no particular order

Dew — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 05:33:57 +0000

School ends this week and I have a million things due and I’m not motivated to do any of it. I just keep telling myself it will work out. I don’t want to talk about how great everything is because then I jinx it and everything turns to shit. So everything is just fine. Nothing less, nothing more. That Britney Spears documentary has changed my life forever. Sadly, I’m not joking but I thought it was pretty powerful. People always tell me I look into things too deep though. I think that’s a compliment. I like free writing and wish I could turn all my essays in school in like this. Just random sentences of whatever comes to my head all cluttered on a page. Isn’t it funny how everything around me has to be arranged perfectly but my brain is still a complete mess of thoughts? Maybe my cleaning OCD is nothing but compensation.

I have had so much water today I think I could fill up an entire ocean but I’m in detox-don’t-ruin-my-body mode. I have had the first sober weekend in what seems like forever, after realizing I am seriously losing my brain and it feels surprizingly refreshing. Hey, that might sound horrible but I can tell you so many people who feel exactly the same but just won’t admit it to themselves. Acceptance is the first step and all that shit, yaddayadda. But basically I’m proud of myself and hopefully I won’t ruin it. Also, watching marathons of intervention makes me never want to leave my house because I’m scared I will end up a screaming lunatic on some reality show. I have no idea how those two are associated but fuck that show scares me.

Princess wants me to go to bed so I think this is the end of my neverending sentences. I’m cramming a study for my math exam in the morning so sleep is kind of necessary. I’m thinking I should just devour like four red bulls before class and call it a day. I have no idea where I come up with this shit.

Protected: Life Evaluation

Dew — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 02:58:08 +0000

I’m alive, kinda

Dew — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:06:29 +0000

I randomly decided I wanted to start posting again but didn’t want to have to look at the old layout so I settled for this really simple theme. I dig it. Plus, my puppy is the cutest ever so how can I not love it? Anyways, I got the best and worst haircut ever yesterday. Since cutting off my mullet and feeling way too much like it’s 2008, I decided to get a rat tail once it grew out a little more. A pussy rat tail because it’s short and gradual goes into one length. I like it but I have a feeling it’s not going to help my unemployed ass find a job. How can you take anybody with a rat tail seriously? Anyways, the back is all great and shit but my bangs look like a 12 year old took scissors to them. Still debating whether i’m keeping it or not.

It’s cold outside and I love it.

I have no idea

Dew — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 02:34:17 +0000

I’ve been having a bit of posting block lately and been going back and forth on what I should or shouldn’t be sharing but I think after that password protected post I got it all out of system and it’s all good. I just finished two essays for school and it feels good not to be behind on everything, even if it is due tomorrow. I’m full of high hopes for this weekend and counting on Friday being spent at the beach. I love how I have this sudden fascination with the beach when it’s almost winter. But that’s kind of a joke in itself because there is really no such thing as winter in Florida. Sweater weather ftw.

I really need a real job. I don’t even know how I’ve managed to bullshit around this much but seriously nobody is hiring. I’m blaming our economy and not my lack of qualifications and/or people skills. I think I might get a degree in Interior Design. I sorda hate admitting that because it adds at least 50+ gay points to my already over average score but the more and more I consider it the better it sounds. Just watch, in 10 years i’m going to have my own HGTV show and be rolling in $$$. I think it would be totally glamorous if I designed a rehab for all the celebrities and then I could talk about how my design helped change their life. I would only do it if Dr. Drew worked there though.

After spell checking this post and nothing coming up for the first time ever, I have decided that I have either been paying attention wayyyy too much in english class or wordpress is on crack.

P.S. To whoever actually reads this, have you watched those youtube videos of Pete Doherty where he is totally cracked out and taking baths and shit? Is it just me or he is strangely sexy in that mysterious what kind of drug are you on way? If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you are seriously missing out.

Protected: I’m up to my head in lemonade

Dew — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 03:54:30 +0000

Housewives & Sweaters

Dew — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:09:45 +0000

I’ve really wanted to write lately but the lack of anything exciting happening has stopped me. There hasn’t been much going on in my brain either besides starting my two new classes this week and deciding, just maybe, community college isn’t so bad. I have two thirty-year old housewife looking woman (they are bfflz too!) in my math class and I love them so much. Before I started school this year, I wasn’t in any kind of classroom scenario in a little under a year and it was really weird and intimidating for me to get back used to. Imagining going back after twenty years and seeing how much everything has changed I think takes a lot of courage and I love them for it.

Also, every class I start you have to fill out a survey about yourself and your major. For some strange reason, putting ‘undecided’ on every form makes me proud. I like not knowing what I’m going to end up doing with my life. Going with the flow is best sometimes, too bad it’s taken me this long to figure that out.

I can’t wait for winter and being able to wear sweaters. Sweaters make everybody more attractive, don’t you think?

Figuring it out

Dew — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 06:43:47 +0000

Sometimes the only word I can use to describe life is weird. It’s just so fucking weird. I guess I have this problem where I detach myself from things I cannot figure out. I kind of compare it to that feeling of not being able to beat a video game I’m really into, like Spore. I’m in the space stage. Yes, it’s fucking awesome and taking over my life. But anyways, life has just been full of really weird things happening. The majority of it is lots of little drama that will work itself out in time but some of the things I feel like I’m going to have to live with for a very extended part of my life which I’m not so sure I’m willing to settle on.

Things I want to remind myself: life is beautiful, i am lucky, shave more (please!), 12/3/08, better judgement, and it will always work out.

My blogs have been so deep lately, I promise I’ll post something much more self-centered soon.

Never satisfied

Dew — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 05:29:20 +0000

It’s not a good sign when I’ve started college only a month ago and already I am questioning whether I really want to spend the next two years of my life doing this. I suppose I have plenty of time to make any serious decisions and I think a month is barely giving it a chance but I’m not impressed. I guess it’s not even that I don’t really like college, I just don’t enjoy it. I’ve always had this idea in my mind that college would be something I would actually like and look forwarding to attending. I knew it would be a lot of hard work and the work load isn’t my problem at all, I’m just so fucking bored. I think if I was in an actual college scenario, not in a community college, I would have a much better outlook. But only because there would be more parties and too many people in a class for your professor to assign “group activities” everyday.

What is ‘love’?

Dew — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 08:29:36 +0000

It’s a little past 4 am, so if none of these makes sense, forgive me. But I’ve been thinking about what it means to ‘give your heart’ to somebody. For myself, my heart is just another organ that can fail me but that’s only because I have this really bad habit of researching every possible disease I could be diagnosed with via Google so I can always be prepared. I’m insane, seriously. But anyways, I think love is nothing more than a temporary state of mind. I don’t know how the whole love and heart thing ended up collaborating together but I don’t like it. Honestly though, I have known so many people that are in love for many years and then one day decide they aren’t anymore. Just like that. I secretly think ’successful couples’ are nothing more than two people who have come to terms with settling on each other. I know that sounds so pessimistic (am I using that word correctly?) but it’s also kind of cute in a way. In reality, the smart people are the one’s who move from relationship to relationship after the initial feeling fades away. Those people never really stop feeling ‘in love’ because they constantly have somebody stimulating their brain (among other things).

I know, I know, once you find your soulmate that feeling is never suppose to ‘fade away’ and everyday is suppose to feel like your first date. I’m just not really sure if I buy into any of that. Even though those couples in the eharmony commercials really convince me sometimes. Seriously.